Mr. and Mrs. Lito: 2013

Thursday, November 21, 2013

To Be: A Mother Who Comforts

I may get a lot of hype and hate for this, but I've recently been growing a backbone and learning to stand up for what I know is right, even though some people take offense to it.

I recently read this article:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be

And loved it so much, I had to share. I'm starting my "To Be" list right now--the name of this post is not the first one on my list, but perhaps the most relevant at the moment, since I've recently seen a LOT of people asking advice on the subject (not me in particular, just whoever has advice to give, and, unfortunately, most of your friends on facebook are not experts, even though they feel like they are). First, I'd say listen to real professionals. And then, here's my input:

I know there's a huge debate on what parents should do when their babies cry--let them cry it out because they need to learn to comfort themselves and function on their own, or comfort them every time, or comfort them almost every time, and let them cry sometimes.

I considered how I cry sometimes... and why I cry. There are many different reason why I cry, it doesn't even always mean something's wrong (like when I read a sad book). But I'm much more complex than a baby. Why do babies cry? Fear, hunger, pain or discomfort... they obviously don't cry when they feel safe or happy.
When I cry for any of those reasons (except hunger... I just get food when I'm hungry), I generally seek comfort. From my husband, when he's available, but a lot of the time, I feel kind of alone and that no one can help or understand me except God. One thing I know for a surety, is that when I seek comfort from God, He never, ever leaves me on my own. Every single time I ask for His comfort, He gives it. It doesn't always stop me from crying--sometimes the pain is still there--but it certainly does comfort me.

When I was about four or five, I had a really bad dream, one night. And I wet the bed. I started crying. I remember exactly what was going through my mind. I was crying because I wanted my mom to come upstairs and help me. I cried louder, because I really wanted her to come. And she did.
She came upstairs in the middle of the night, gave me clean blankets and clothes, and put me back to bed. Could I have done that by myself at that age? Probably (whether or not I would have, or would have done it properly, is another question).
I don't know what would have changed had she not come--or if anything would have changed at all. But I do remember that once I heard her footsteps on the stairs, an immeasurable rush of relief flowed through me. I knew it was going to be okay.

So here's something to think about: If you say you let your baby cry it out because she needs to learn to go to sleep on her own, is it because you genuinely care about her ability to sleep on her own... or because you really want your sleep to go un-interrupted at night? Are you justifying it by saying it's for her own good, when really it's for yours?
Many parents feel the need to make their tiny, new human beings adjust to adult schedules--when they're still just babies.
Oh, and if you're of the opinion that comforting your child every time he cries is going to spoil him... think about the logic of that for a minute. Just think about it. Showing your baby that you love him by holding him... is going to turn him into an entitled, selfish boy when he's older...
False.

Parenthood requires sacrifice, good parents learn to be stronger and more selfless than they've ever had to be before. Children are sometimes needy, clingy, whiny, and they can be more irritating than anything else you've experienced. But someday, if you do it right (and there definitely is a wrong way to raise children), you'll realize it was all worth it. Hopefully, you won't have to wait until they're grown up to realize it--hopefully, you notice it's worth it when your child gives her favorite stuffed animal to another child who's feeling sad, or maybe when he offers to help take care of his younger brother when you have a lot on your plate.

I'm not saying children will only learn to be selfless if you comfort them when they cry--but I am saying they learn from their parents and other such examples. The more selfless you are, the better an example your kids have to learn from.

Now, what I'm saying is not just my opinion--it's actually based on research. I did a search on the web about this subject and found a disturbing number of sources advocating the cry-it-out method. None of those sources were backed by research--they were all based on popular opinion.

There's a reason the sound of a baby crying stimulates strong feelings of discomfort in adults--we're supposed to do something about it (and telling yourself to ignore it, is not doing something about it).
Here's what some findings, published by researchers in peer-reviewed journals, say, if you're interested in checking it out:
http://www.sciencedirect.com.byui.idm.oclc.org/science/article/pii/S0891524507002544

http://web.ebscohost.com.byui.idm.oclc.org/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=c2f2d579-e9da-495b-9f83-83786fbe93b0%40sessionmgr115&vid=3&hid=112

http://www.sciencedirect.com.byui.idm.oclc.org/science/article/pii/S0163638398900170

I definitely have more, and hopefully these links work, but I accessed them through a university, so let me know if they don't.

Anyway, even without the research, we have the capacity to distinguish between what's right and what's not right--if you have to justify to your self or others why you leave your baby on her own to cry when she clearly wants you to comfort her, or if you need other people to tell you that it's okay and that it's healthy (which, by the way, it most certainly is not), then maybe you should think a little harder about it. Or turn to a more reliable source of information. Many mothers out there feel they are a reliable source of information because they have experience... sadly, experience is not the best teacher. Too many experienced parents make the same mistakes for 40 years.
God blessed me with a mother who comforted me when I cried--even when the reason I was crying was stupid--to me it mattered. And I remember her comforting me. I felt loved and valued.

The only way I can possibly show my gratitude, is to pay it forward. To be for my children, what my mother was for me: always there, even though it's extremely inconvenient sometimes--a mother who comforts.

Monday, November 11, 2013

The dancing, horn-blowing bear... who can sit in a chair!

Don't know why that last post isn't working... weird. But you can find everything I talked (or ranted) about on this website:

http://unitedfamilies.org

I'm writing an article for them on Religious Intolerance--I'll post it after I get their feedback.

Also, I thought this was funny:

http://www.bridgetteraes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/AM-I-WEARING-PANTS.jpg

-I mean, wearing them at home or for working out is totally fine, but in public...eek!

And this bear puts a huge smile of my face:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dRQV0WDYFgk

Hope these website are working, because the first and third one are AWESOME. The second one is just funny. ;-)

Anyway, life is pretty good (except that it's so cold). I've been catering for the Child and Family Advocacy society--they love it so far (probably because I use Mom's cookbook).
I got into all the classes I need for next semester, one of which gives me an in for a potential job, working with kids at an after-school program. And I'm going to graduate, finally!
Anton is hangin' in there, as always. He has a teacher who doesn't really know how to teach...who is also kind of a weird-o. But he (Anton) likes telling people what to do at work, so that helps (he's nice, and his students love him, it's just a self-esteem booster to be the boss sometimes).

I went to a chiropractor a couple months ago because he was offering a full work-up (X-rays and everything) for only $15. Something that is normally very pricey for me. Well, my back was fine, but my torso is uneven (probably from an 8-year old shoulder/neck injury), and my neck is straight instead of curved. He said that my neck being straight puts more pressure on the plates in between my bones and could cause arthritis when I'm older. Hope I can get that fixed before I'm staring 60 in the face.

Also, I'm trying to follow more cooking blogs... so any suggestions are welcome. :-)

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The rewards of putting one's foot down... a baby duck

So, after all the pets that have been falling into my lap... that Anton makes me give away (or let them go back to their real homes), I've decided to put my foot down. I told Anton that when spring comes around, I am getting a baby animal, whether he likes it or not. I'm waiting until spring because I only like baby animals. Some of them are still okay when they grow up, like dogs and stuff, but we can't have a dog.

Well, the two most practical choices are either a baby kitty or a baby duck, so I told him to choose between them. He picked the duck. AND he decided to build a little tiny duck house for them (he's so sweet!)--we have to get at least two, otherwise the baby will be too lonely and probably die...

We have a lot of projects planned for the spring. Lot's of fixing up to do. Mostly they were all Anton's ideas, but I came up with the garden ideas. It's gonna be great! Especially since I won't have any real homework.

Also, I made a recent discovery. I've been going to the dentist, but I have to schedule my appointments really far apart, because the anesthesia doesn't work on me very well, and if I do them close together, it doesn't work at all. Anyway, the dentist was talking to me about it and he was saying that for some reason my body chemistry doesn't accept anesthesia very well and that I build up an immunity to it quickly. And the assistant girl thought out loud how much that would suck for an epidural... and that's when it hit me...

Anesthesia doesn't work on me very well, so what if I ask for an epidural and they give it to me, and it doesn't even do anything? Then they stuck that 9-inch needle in my back for nothing! And it really would suck. If there's anything I could choose to not be immune to, it would anesthesia!

So, I guess I decided to do it naturally, whenever it happens. Even though I'm a total baby and can't handle any pain at all. I'm already nervous about it and I'm not even pregnant yet. Anton wants me to do it naturally anyway. HE'S nervous about anyone sticking a 9-inch needle in my back.

In other news, Jana and I went to Utah last weekend for a wedding reception. Our ride's car broke down the day before we were supposed to leave, so I found a ride on the school bulletin board. I made Jana go with me because I didn't want to go by myself. It was fine on the ride down, except that the people driving had made some kind of spinach artichoke dip that smelled heavenly (because we were hungry), and they even offered us some, but we were way too shy to accept. We kept saying, "oh, no, it's okay, we have our own snacks." And I cursed my shy genes and stayed hungry, smelling the dip.

BUT on the way back, the Asian guy who had also gotten a ride from them, had apparently eaten a pound of garlic before we left. He was a nice guy, but who does that right before a 4 hour car ride?! I was plugging my nose a lot or holding my breath, trying to be covert about it (because I was sitting right next to him), but I don't know how inconspicuous a person can be about plugging her nose... I hope he didn't notice and get offended. And that's about as eventful as my life gets.

Friday, September 27, 2013

All the pictures I ever said I'd post... I think!

Firstly, some accomplishments I'm proud of this past week:

-I made soup from scratch... even the noodles. It was delicious.
-I finally made a dessert in our new house. Brownies (Anton's favorite), but not from scratch. I did use sunflower oil in it though, and it tasted so yummy!
-I wrote a seven page paper and made a power point presentation to go with it in a matter of hours.
-I have A's in all of my classes.
-I was voted the VP for the Child and Family Advocacy Society (which is a totally legit society that receives funding and does super awesome stuff).
-speaking of which, my group face-timed with the author of this article today: http://unitedfamilies.org/default.asp?contentID=437 whose article was a response/warning to this proposed curriculum: http://www.popcouncil.org/publications/books/2010_ItsAllOne.asp at a UN council (they're trying to get every country in the world to adopt this horrible, evil curriculum) which you can also find a link to in the first article. The author if the first article is a super smart lady, educated at Harvard, and is part of United Families International.

Anyway, it's a good semester. And here are the pictures I promised... some of them are sideways, but I can't make them rotate--they're already the right rotation on my computer, so I don't why they uploaded like this.