I Have a Baby :-)

It's true.  I have my very own baby now.  Been waiting a while for this little guy.  And he's sure been worth the wait... and the pain, I suppose.  Getting him here hurt... and now feeding him hurts...  but he's too cute for me to hold it against him.

I went into labor on my Dad's birthday.  That whole day, I had been super sleepy and hung out on the couch mostly.  Taking naps.  Then my ride came to pick me up just before 11:00 that night, and we stopped at walmart to get groceries before going back to our trailer.

I started feeling very odd while I was walking around walmart and recognized it as contractions, which I began to time, and figured it was fake because sometimes it was 9 minutes apart, sometimes 2, and sometimes 5.  And the intensity of it was always different--sometimes it hurt, but mostly it was just uncomfortable and weird.

I mentioned it to the girl I was with, and she offered to take me back to my parents' house since we hadn't left town yet.

I said no, it seems fake, and anyway, Anton can take me back if it turns out to be real...

Well, I got home and tried to sleep, but I kept feeling the contractions, so I got in a hot bath, which didn't do much.  I kept getting in an out and trying to sleep, and hoping it would go away because it was really starting to hurt.

By around 5 in the morning, I called my midwife and told her that I had been timing it for over an hour and they were all under 6 minutes... but I still wasn't sure if it was real, and I didn't want to drag her out of bed if it wasn't.  She advised me to take a bath and call her in a couple hours if it didn't go away.
I don't know why I failed to mention that by that point, I had been experiencing labor pains for the past 6 hours, 4 of which I spent mostly in a hot bath already...

It's kinda funny-- the whole third trimester, I kept saying how ready I was for this baby to come out, and Anton and I were both feeling impatient about it... but then that night, I was praying that the pain would go away because I decided I wasn't ready anymore and I didn't want to have a baby yet.

I waited for Anton to get home from work, which he does around 7 a.m., and when I heard him on the porch, I called him and told him to put his boots back on and start the jeep, because our baby was coming, whether I was ready or not.

He was so excited!

So, I show up at Mom and Dad's, can't hadle the pain, get in the bath, my midwife comes, about an hour later, she checks me and I'm dilated to a 7.

A little while later (by this point I have no concept of time), my water brakes... and then the real pain hits.

Oh, man, I thought I couldn't handle it before, but after that, I really started to hate life, and decided that maybe I don't want kids anymore.
Then I found myself wrenching free of my midwife's and Anton's hands, crying, "I can't do it," which... kind of freaked Anton out because I was totally hysterical, but I'm pretty sure the midwife told me to get a hold of myself.

Then the baby really started to come out.  That part took forever (an hour and a half, my Mom said, but it felt more like 10 hours at the time), and then when I could feel his head actually coming out, I was slightly relieved.  Only slightly, though, because it still really hurt.  I was just relieved to see that I was actually making progress.
Once his head was all the way out, the rest of him follwed instantly.  There was a true double knot in his cord, which was also wrapped around his neck.  My midwife totally handled it, Anton cut the cord (which was impressively thick--even the midwife was surprised), and I held him... all slimey and everything.  It was gross, but I was already in a bathtub full of blood, so... whatever, I guess.

He was so perfect, I said to Anton, "Look what we made," and as he cuddled with our baby, a couple hours later, he said, "We need more of these!"  Of course, I felt like jello, so I said, "Ha!" as in, "yeah, right!" at the thought of doing that again.

But I'm already forgetting the pain.  I know it hurt... but it's getting harder to remember the actual pain.  Weird.

A couple weeks ago...

This is what I had written before I had a baby:

A ray of sunshine in this dark, cold place... when my husband shows up where I work, notices I'm wearing the earrings he bought for me in Hawaii, tells me I look pretty, and then gives me the fruit snacks he just bought at my till.  :-)

And when he comes to have a breakfast date with me.  Those are my favorite days.

Also he was being cute the other morning (I talk about him like he's my kid... although sometimes I do feel like more of a mother-figure than I'd like to be... hehe).  He asked me if it's not too early for me to make the baby come out, because he wants his baby already.
He read the Husband-Coached Childbirth and now considers himself to be in charge of telling me how to prepare for labor, and what to do when I'm in labor.
I think it's so sweet how concerned and sincere he is--he called me up in the middle of the night to tell me about all these exercises I should be doing, and wanted to make sure I know what they are and how to do them:

Husband: "...do some hip stretches... and stretch your pelvic bone..."
Me: "Uh-huh."
Husband: "Do you know what pelvis rocking is?"
Me: :-) "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "Okay,then do it before you go to bed.  And you need to learn how to relax all the way so that the baby can come out.  So, practice that, too."
Me: "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "And are you doing your Kegels?"
Me: "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "Okay, because that will make it easier for him to come out."

And he still calls the umbilical cord a USB cord sometimes.

I don't argue with him about any of it because I think it's just so sweet!

Anyway.  Life is pretty uncomfortable right now... Mostly because of the baby.  And freaking North Dakota's winter.  But on the bright side, this is the third time I've been right in the middle of some kind of flu outbreak since I got here, and not even been phased by it.  Pretty sure this baby is making me healthier.

And then I had a baby.  And he's cute.  I'll have pictures in another post, I think.

I Feel So Old Suddenly

Well, not much to report here.  Of course why would there be... we live in the middle of a field in freaking North Dakota.  Every time I say "North Dakota," I put "freaking" in front of it.  Makes me feel better.
I've gotten huge.  I get bigger every day.  I was okay with this whole thing until the baby got big... now I've changed my mind and I don't want to give birth anymore--or at least I don't want to be conscious for it.  He is going to tear me apart.
Also, I think men can get the nesting instinct, too.  Anton seems more worried than I am right now.  He's convinced that the baby will be born two weeks early (because he knows a few other guys who's wives had their babies two weeks early), and he was telling me about labor: "When you have a contraction that you can't breath through, that's when you need to go to the hospital... or, I mean, midwife..."
That was after he asked me if I've been feeling any labor pains.  I laughed so much that morning.  But he asks if I'm in labor like once a week.  That started way back in August.  And he's constantly reminding me to take my pills and to not squish the baby.  It's kind of adorable how serious and concerned he is about everything relating to the baby.  And how excited he is to have a son.  I think I picked a good one.  :-)

I'm thinking about dying my hair again... a dark color like maybe black or almost black.  But I'm afraid that I'll change my mind after I dye it because I won't want to keep dying it...
some of the longest, most difficult struggles I go through are about my hair.  I'm so fickle about it.  I almost got a super, super short haircut right after I came to freaking North Dakota (hehe).  But I was too scared.  Ugh, someone should just tell me what to do all the time.

A new adventure... that I hope will end soon.

I'm never going to decide to not eat sugar again.  I wasn't actually eating sugar until I decided not to.  Then, suddenly I suck at not eating sugar.  And this is the worst time to be pregnant.  I'm going to be surrounded by Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas deserts the entire rest of my pregnancy.  And for some odd reason, Anton says the word, "cake" all the time!  So, I dream about cake.

I even tried making some cupcakes because they sounded so incredibly delicious (they still do, actually).  I had to throw away the first batch of batter I made, because it ended up all over my floor (entirely my fault). The second try, I actually got to bake, but they ended up tasting really gross (not entirely my fault... I swear I followed the recipe). So, those got thrown away, too.

And then I stopped trying to cook stuff.

Something is either wrong with me, or all the recipes I find.  I look up a recipe that seems easy enough and sounds great.  Then I buy all the ingredients that I don't usually have, and make it.  And it ends up tasting not that great.  Anton has stopped asking me to make food for him to take to work.  In fact, every time I offer lately, he declines...

On the bright side... our kitten eats like a king.

In other news, we're going to North Dakota for 8 months.  Anton has to take a break from school and we decided to pay some bills while we wait for him to start back up again.  Plus, he's really tired of his current job and feels like it's holding him back from finishing his last semester.  Yeah, we're waiting 8 months for him to come back for his last semester.  Though he does have an internship afterward--but he can do that anywhere.
I was looking forward to having my baby here.  I like my doctor and the measly price I would pay for him to deliver my baby.  I'm also sad that I won't get to take the cool classes I signed up for (for free).  But I can deal, I guess.
There are a lot of things I could complain about because of leaving here for North Dakota (like going from paying $120/month for insurance to $400/month...) but I'm trying to look on the bright side--like that I have more family there, Anton is making one giant step closer to moving on from school, and the cold is good for my skin...
Plus, I'm already used to not seeing my husband all that often--I'm bringing my sewing machine and my princess coloring book to keep me company.

Pregnancy Humor: Speechless

Some funny things Anton has said relating to my pregnancy that have left me speechless:

Me: "Hey, my butt got bigger!  I wonder when that happened..."
Husband: (almost before I finish trailing off) "Last week."
Me: *sideways speechless glance.

*talking about the baby's current stage of development.
Me: "...yeah, he's pretty long and skinny... and see-through."
Husband: "Stop trash-talking my baby."
Me: *confused speechless half-smile.

*while getting dressed one morning.
Me: "Oh, my gosh, Honey, I don't think I can do these pants up anymore!"
Husband: (quick glance at my undone pants) "Just don't squish my baby."
Me: *incredulous speechless glare.

*waking up one morning and noticing me laying beside him with a sort of pot-belly.
Husband: "Whoa, that came out of nowhere."
Me: *I-don't-even-know-how-to-feel speechless stare.

And some things that just made me laugh:

*lunch at the deli--I'm slipping my chicken onto Anton's plate.
Husband: "You should eat more.  My baby likes chicken."
Me: "Haha!  Your baby likes watermelon!"

Husband: "If I go to bed right now, will you do me a back massage?"
Me: "Hey, which one of us is pregnant?  Shouldn't I be getting the massages?"
Husband: "You can't lay on your stomach, the baby doesn't like it, that's why it kicks you."
Me: "Nuh-uh!  I just feel it more that way!"
Husband: "You know it's true."
Me: "You're making crap up!"

And actually, every time I lay on my stomach (or it looks like I'm kind of laying on my stomach) he tells me not to squish the baby.  Like the baby can't handle being squished... otherwise the whole birthing process would be different.  But it's really me who gets squished when I lay on my stomach.

Anyway, my favorite thing about being pregnant is that (now that I'm showing) Anton is always asking me how I'm doing or if I'm okay.  Also, when I say I can't handle the smell of something, he takes me more seriously now.
Kinda reminds me of this gem of a music video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMU7UVFDqO0

Except I'm not quite that manipulative (on purpose).

52...

That's what the kitten typed when he jumped on the computer.  He also helps me text Anton sometimes... it's pretty funny.
I've grown way more attached to the kitten than I thought I would.  Everything he does is adorable to me--he pounces on everything with his tiny little paws, chases his own tail, and curls up in my hair when he wants to sleep.  He also runs up to us every time we come home, like he really missed us.  Maybe it's the pregnancy, but I've never liked an animal so much before.  It's been a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, I like my doctor.  He's pretty laid back and he doesn't tell me what to do.  In fact, he asks me what I want or if I have any questions about anything.  I usually don't, so he just tells me how awesome everything is and sends me on my way.  It's nice.  And way better than the first guy I went to.

Okay, so, my dreams have always lingered over into my waking life and affected my mood and stuff, but last week's was especially odd.  I was taking a nap with Anton and suddenly freaked out: "Oh, my gosh, Anton, am I not even pregnant anymore?!"
It came out of nowhere, I wasn't even dreaming about pregnancy.  I was just laying on my stomach and somehow knew that I wasn't pregnant anymore... which was weird because I wasn't even pregnant, in the first place, I thought... it took me a while to realize that I am, in fact, pregnant, just as I should be.

He started rubbing my tummy. :-)

I just got back from girls camp--it was great!  Went on a five mile hike, played lots of fun games, choked on campfire smoke, and felt the baby moving around!  It weirds me out.  Like, really.  Uncomfortably weird.  I can mostly feel it when I lay on my stomach... which is getting slightly more uncomfortable every week.  Anton felt it too, just recently.  He said it felt like a slow punch.

While I was gone at girls camp, Rexburg experienced a flash flood.  Several basement apartments got hit pretty badly.  Mostly it was those who were just off main street and anyone close to the bottom of the temple hill.  One of our friends lives in the bottom apartment of a complex that was right in the way, and all her stuff was destroyed (except she saved her computer).  Anton gave her the rest of the money we had been saving to go to the reunion, so she could get some clothes and stuff.  The other rest of the money we had been saving has to go to the car.  All of Anton's off-roading caught up with it and one of the bearings needs to be replaced.  So, the wheel that is near that bearing could fall off at any moment, and apparently no one here can fix it, so we have to go to our dealership in Utah to get it fixed.  Hopefully the wheel doesn't fall off on the way there...

Meanwhile back in the desert...

Well the trip home was painful... and not just because we were leaving the good weather and family... ;-)
my lower half kept going numb, both on the planes and in the car.  We did stay in Boise until Sunday, hanging out with more family and a couple friends.

We went to dinner with some friends we hadn't seen in a while and toured their family's ranch on fore-wheelers.  At one point, I got off the fore-wheeler so Anton could go off jumps and do donuts and stuff.  He was having so much fun!  And then he did a donut  too tight and flipped the fore-wheeler over.  It was so cool to watch--he was like a ninja, rolling in the air as he flew off, just barely escaping being trapped under the fore-wheeler (which is about twice the size of the one we have at home).

I was so sure the fore-wheeler had nabbed his ankle, but when I got to him he was totally fine.  Then he got back on to do more.  :-)

Anyway, we adopted a baby kitty from the pet shelter.  He's so cute and little.  I wanted to keep him mostly outside but Anton will only agree to a pet if we keep him inside.  City boys.
I was reading this article about happiness and it mentioned pets promoting emotional well-being and that people who have pets are usually happier.  So, I decided Anton could use some emotional well-being and a little more happiness, even if it's in the shape of a little ball of fur with claws.  This semester's been pretty tough on him.

We've both been smiling a lot more since we brought the little rascal home.  :-)

Bringing him home from the shelter

He likes to play behind the computer.

Then he cuddles after he plays.

May is the Prettiest Month

Because everything blossoms and smells nice.  Anton brought me a branch of lilacs yesterday morning.  He put them right by my face so I could see them when I woke up, but I noticed as soon as he put them down because I could smell them.  Happy start to any day!

Well, life is pretty uneventful at the moment (or at most moments).  No nausea, no hormone-induced breakdowns... okay maybe there was one...
Last week, I got really mad at Anton for drinking my Green Machine Naked drink.  Really mad.  I started crying, called him an insensitive jerk, and told him not come home when he got off work.  Yeah, I really did.  Maybe I didn't get a nap that day...?
Fortunately, he ignored that last part and came home anyway.  Bearing gifts, no less.  Of course, I realized how weird I was being and apologized... after I saw the gifts... ;-)

But I was talking to a friend in our book club, and she was the same way when she was pregnant--same lack of symptoms-- and she freaked out at her husband for putting the chili on the bottom  when they had chili cheese fries for dinner one night--like cried and insisted that he didn't love her... so, that made me feel a little better (that I'm not a lone weirdo).

Anyway, school is out for the kiddos, which means I'm out of a job until August.  Not really sure what to do with myself until then.  I could look for another job, but I would feel kind of awkward saying I can only work for you for two months...
No matter.  I'll enjoy the break.  Except I'm really going to miss playing soccer, tag, and jump rope.  Now I have to work out on my own...

I'm going to the doctor for the first time.  In June, like the first week.  I'll be 12 weeks by then (according to my phone).
I was kind of freaked out after coming home from my pregnancy class the day we discussed gestational diabetes... the women who gave birth to those babies we saw, went through hell.  I don't care how prepared they were, nobody's vagina is that big.
So, I decided to eat as little sugar as I can.  Not that I was eating much of it anyway, but I'm now looking at the ingredients of the stuff I eat to make sure it's not too loaded.  And I will force myself to work out.  No premature, twelve-pound babies (who are addicted to sugar) for me.  Nope.

Pregnancy is Weird

Well, I got the flu... I think.  Head cold + fever and stuff.  I can tell when I have a fever because my back aches in a funny (but not really funny) way.  And sadly, the cold means I can't sleep because every time I lay down, I can't breathe.  I've also been really dizzy, but that happened before I got sick...
Anton is being a huge sweetheart and taking good care of me.
He's so patient, especially since I am super fickle about my food.  Poor guy listens to me go back and forth about what I "feel" like eating... yikes.
Actually, I wish I could just go without food because I rarely feel like eating anything these days.  Except apples. And dried cranberries.  But I really hate how differently things taste.  And I went from being only slightly picky, to obscenely picky.

I know I don't have any reason to worry, but I'm nervous for the changes my body is going through.  I do not relish not being able to sleep on my stomach in the coming months.  Or having to find space for a new wardrobe (of course I love getting more clothes... I just don't have anywhere to put them this time).

The worst thing about being pregnant so far... having to pee every ten minutes.  Seriously, nothing is more maddening.  Especially in the middle of the night.  Anton can always tell when I have to go because I first let out a very obvious sigh that clearly indicates I'm irritated.
Oh, and I think the baby has made my ears even more sensitive... everything feels too loud.  I flinch every time I hear something above 50 decibels.

Anyway, Anton and I talked, and we decided I can't be a full-time teacher and have a baby, and I would feel badly about leaving them in the middle of the school year (which is when the baby's due)--these kids should have as much consistency as they can in their lives, anyway.
So I'm back at the after-school program.  It's slightly more fun, and I get more exercise.  Plus I only work 2-4 hours a day... which gives me more time to nap, yay!

Stuff is Now, Definitely Going On

Well... it's finally happened.  Yep.  I'm Pregnant.

I smell everything (not that that's unusual, anyway)... most of the time it's horrid, but occasionally it's glorious--like cherry tea.  Cherry tea is glorious.
At least I get a baby out of it this time.
Honestly, I feel like the most blessed person in the whole world.  I have been completely swept off my feet by the reverence and importance with which my husband regards parenthood.
Just a blurb about the beginning-ish:
He took me to the temple in Idaho Falls, same place where he formally asked me to marry him (he was so nervous that night, it was the cutest thing EVER), and proposed that we for real have a baby (we had been talking about it but not actually trying for real).  Then we celebrated by eating out at Barnes and Noble... I know, not the kind of place you would think to eat out, but it has a cute, European-style cafe that we love, and he was so excited--I just got a glimpse of what it will be like to have children with him, and it makes me weep tears of gratitude.

I also fell in love with him all over again when I saw how disappointed he was that I didn't get pregnant immediately after we decided to have a baby--it's adorable how optimistic he was!  And I mean that in a completely endearing way.  And I love how he's a stickler for making me take my pills.  It's sweet.

Anyway, Anton is convinced we're having a boy (who will be named Andre--a girl, we would name Katya).  He says he's the one who gets to pick the sex of the baby and he already picked boy... hehe.

Okay, so when I really think about it, Anton's being a nazi about pretty much everything... even how I'm going to have the baby, but I don't really mind, because I'm just happy to have a baby at all.

P.S. I am now a full-time teacher at the EICAP Head Start program.  I have my own assistant and everything!  They are a very impressive program--I'd send my kids there.  I feel so professional and legitimate.

Not Much Goin' On Here

I've been dying to cut my hair lately.  Every time I feel like I need to, I go through all the reasons I shouldn't:

     1. My hair has never really looked as good short as it does long.

     2. If I hate it, it will take YEARS to get as long as I like again.

     3. I can't do anything with it when it's short.

     4. Anton will freak out if I cut it as short as I actually want to... and by freak out, I mean for real get mad.

     5. I've never let it grow past my butt, and wouldn't that be cool to see?

It's like I'm a recovering addict of cutting my own hair... is that a thing?  Anton says Mom warned him about this before we got married, but he didn't really understand until he witnessed me breaking down about it.

Well, I satisfied my hankering for change by rearranging my bedroom.  Anton said no, every time I suggested it, but I did it when he was gone and now he loves it.  :-)

Also, I'm not going out with a bang with the afterschool kids because they decided to hire me for real.  Which means I get paid for something, finally.  AND this is the highest paying job I've ever had!  The degree pays off!  Or working for a government-funded school program pays off...
Did I mention I'm a graduate?  Yay!

Anyway, I've decided laser eye surgery is in my somewhat-near future.  Contacts are incredibly irritating, so I usually wear my glasses, which seriously messes with my depth perception.  Like... I sometimes hit myself in the face when I open my car door (or any door, but the car door gives me the nastier bruises).  And run into walls (just the corners).  And miss steps when going up or down a stairway (but only when people are watching).

And because I'm usually wearing my glasses when these things happen, they're kind of bent up, so they fall off my face every time I look down (or run into something), which is where I'm usually looking because I'm trying not to trip.  It's a little frustrating.
I went to get them fixed so they would fit on my face again... the same day I got them back, I got whacked in the head by a cupboard door that came out of nowhere.

Someone Tell Me What To Do

I was really excited or happy about something the other day... and now I can't remember what it was.  Probably feelings from a dream carrying over into my real life.  That happens a lot.  Which means most of my mornings start off with me being really weird-ed out.  Like the dream where I built a new house and Jana was in there with me (and we had barbies...?) when some cowboys started shooting it up, so in the process of running for our lives, I met Luke Harper in the driveway, eating a spit-roasted rodent.  Yeah.

Hey, I could start a dream blog.  Those would be some crazy stories... and some scary ones... I die in some of my dreams.  Never mind.

Anton's been gone on a camping trip for a class and I feel lonely.  So I've been cleaning.  Found some cool stuff.  Money, candy, jewelry, hairbands.  I really feel like throwing away the rest of the stuff in my house, though.  I usually feel that way when I don't want to do the dishes... bleh.

Well, the end is in sight... for my bachelors. Now for the masters.  I've been debating what to go into-- and I realized that I'm just as fickle now as I ever was.  I like everything (except math stuff), and I feel so restless.  I need someone to tell me what to do.  But not Anton because he only tells me what not to do.
I plan on staying home with my kids, whenever that happens.  But I still want to be educated, not just for a back-up plan, but because I want a degree in something useful.  For me, for my family, for the community I live in, etc.  And when my kids are gone, I'll need something to do.  I'm planning out my whole life, here.
I've been considering Children's Literature.  Still feeling fickle, though.

Meh.  Anyway, things are good.  I do wish Rexburg had a pet store so that I could go there and hold the babies, but not have to deal with them when they're not cute anymore.  Cal Ranch has baby chickens and baby ducks, but we're not allowed to hold them (although I did convince one of the employees to let me hold a baby duck for minute).  :-)

Is It Wrong To Force-Feed My Husband?

It's cold and windy, and I'm feeling grumpy today.  So, I've turned on my favorite-smelling wax and prescribed myself a nap.

That was all I got written down before I actually fell asleep.  Now it's 2:00 A.M. and I'm wide awake-- but no longer grumpy... that's what I get for napping after 4:00 in the... evening?  Afternoon?  4:00 is an odd one.  Because 3:00 is definitely afternoon.  And 5:00 is pretty solid for evening.  I'll call it evennoon.  No.  Afterning.  Four O'clock in the afterning.  heheh.  Reminds me of a song I heard called 9:00 in the afternoon.  I was singing it one day when I realized... there is no 9:00 in the afternoon... mysterious.

Okay.  Anyway, Anton has been a little on edge the past couple weeks.  He's gone into "hate Russians" mode.  There is a special place in the heart of every resident of any former Soviet Union state that is dedicated to hating all things Russia (except Russians, of course--they love themselves enough for everyone).  He's getting better, though.  I think he's either letting it go, or finding someone else to rant to.  Probably finding someone else to rant to.

I switched topics with the after school kids and am now doing food... but not advertising it because then every single child in the whole school will come to my class, and that would be a nightmare for me to plan for.  So, we do mostly food crafty things and include a little dance so that we don't have to change the name.  But I am trying to think of activity plans that include kids doing something with food.  So far we're making peach pie pops, banana snowmen (because it snowed today, blast this weather!), and edible paint, which we will use to paint food.
I need to come up with the grand finale lesson in three weeks--we're supposed to go out with a bang!  So any suggestions are appreciated.

Speaking of food, I asked Kyle for some recipes of things he's been learning to cook in Arizona.  He gave me some good feedback, but I can't make most of it because it includes barbecue sauce, which my husband doesn't like.  You know, he complains about me not cooking (and I admit I don't really cook that much anymore) but I tried when we first got married.  He just didn't like any of the things I was used to making.  He won't eat anything barbecue-esque, he hates the way I cook potatoes (or any kind of breakfast food), he won't eat my goulash (something I could live off of for days), he dislikes anything whole-wheaty, and he doesn't even eat my potato salad (Mom's potato salad).  I'm not saying I'm blameless, because clearly there are other things I could learn to make, but cooking is more stressful for me than I thought it would be (with such a picky, demanding husband, anyway...maybe if he suffered through my child's-size serving of burnt vegetables, it wouldn't be so bad).

P.S.  I am proud to announce that I made a very delicious chicken gravy from one of my recipe books!  Just the gravy, though...  One step at a time, I guess.

The Thing About Marbles

I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.  I'm having trouble communicating (worse than usual)--I keep forgetting words when I'm talking.  Simple words that people use every day.  Worse, is that I forget the most important word in my sentence.  The one that makes the main point.
Some examples of words I had to have help remembering this week: storage closet, bells, fire, pudding, syllabus, computer, trash can, and some that I still can't remember.

It's not just words, though.  I've been forgetting a lot of things.  Like my name--I keep thinking it's Ringen, still.  And how to drive... I slow down on green and seem to not notice red.
I feel like life isn't even real right now.  Everything going on around me seems so strange.  And fleeting.

Pretty sure this is a sign of dehydration.  I'll be drinking more water, lest I cause a car accident or forget something important.  Like how to breathe.

Anton does side jobs for a couple who owns a few housing units here.  They asked him to serve a subpoena to some guy who won't pay rent and is avoiding them (a third party has to serve the subpoena, anyway).  He's a pretty evasive old guy.

On the bright side of life... we got a washer and dryer finally (to replace our old broken ones).  Sadly, they are not small enough for our old house so... we took the door off the bathroom... but I'd rather have a washer and dryer than a door on the bathroom in my house where I'm usually alone.
I had consigned to hang up a curtain or something, but Anton screwed the door back on so that it opens up outwardly instead of inwardly, and doesn't deal with the machinery in it's path.  Mr. Handy Man.

And nothing has made me happier than the weather lightening up.  Sunshine just gives me a buzz.  A good buzz.  :-)

Also, we now have a camera, so I will add some pictures.

 Traveling to Idaho Falls to hit up Olive Garden

We're setting Jana up with the guy in the blue... but she's gone on a few dates with a different Ukrainian, so maybe we were too slow in actually making it happen.  We'll see.

I know, I look like I just went to the dentist.

Trying on hats in the mall.

Anton started taking pictures as soon as he opened the package with the camera.  I was filing my nails.

Little Rant + Current Activities

I know I don't have children yet (which I am constantly reminded of by other people who imply or straight up tell me my opinion is not credible because of my current childless state), but I know children.  I spend a heck-of-a-lot of time around them and, more importantly, I was one. The older we get, the more we tend to forget about our childhood, but I remember mine like it was yesterday... probably because it pretty much was yesterday.
In addition to that, I was born with everything I need to be a mother.  I have been cultivating those God-given gifts for a very long time (although, just because every woman can, doesn't mean every woman does).  There seems to be some outrageous belief that real motherhood and all it's glory and instincts suddenly hit you--BAM--when you have a baby.  And then you know everything and your opinion is more valid.  If that were true, then there would be a much smaller percentage of mothers who feel inadequate, clueless, or nervous.  Also, there wouldn't be as many not-so-good mothers.  I know that sounds mean, but some mothers really aren't good mothers (that doesn't mean we should go around judging women who are doing their best, though--be nice to mothers who are trying to help their children the best way they know how).

Basically, I'm saying be reasonable--stop basing the validity of someone's opinion on whether or not they have children (or how many children they have) because not every person with kids knows what he or she is talking about, and not every person who doesn't (or doesn't yet) have kids is totally clueless.

There.  My little rant is over.

Other than that... our lives are just as ordinary and boring as usual: school is pretty easy this semester (like it should be because I was supposed to graduate last semester, so I'm just taking a bunch of filler classes for fun);
I woke up sick on my anniversary and am still sick, which caused us to miss the married student retreat we bought tickets for a while ago;
somehow our bedroom suddenly became the coldest room in the house, so Anton and I have been camping out in the living room;
Anton got a little raise (yet we still barely have enough to cover all of our bills... strange how that works);
I'm excited for spring so I can get my baby duck;
we found a Ukrainian guy with whom we will be setting Jana up on a date (he just entered the country last month.  He's cool);
I'm also excited to be getting back to sewing now that I got a sewing machine for Christmas (already made two skirts and have started a blanket);
I'm teaching cultural dances in the after school program--we just finished African dance, and next week we're doing American Indian crafts and dance;
and I've convinced Anton to look for an internship in someplace like Arizona because I freakin' hate the cold.
That about sums it up.  :-)

Get to Know Yourself... and Your Kids

So, I went ice skating the other week in North Dakota.  It was super fun and I loved it!  I'm still recovering from the bruises and I definitely have scars just above my ankles where my skin was rubbed raw.  But, I still loved it. My baby brother, Logan, who allegedly had never skated before, seemed to have no trouble right from the start--I never saw him fall once.  My little sister, Jana, was scared pretty much the whole time, but did improve... of course it could have been the Venezuelan boy's hand she was holding and not her own skill... :-)

Anyway, the more risks I took, the more I fell, but the more fun I had as well.  I was considering why I fell so much and why I never seemed to improve.  My senses are out of whack.

See, most people think there are only five senses, but really there are seven:

1. The tactile or somatosensory system-- sense of touch
2. The visual system--sense of sight
3. The auditory system--sense of hearing
4. The gustatory system--sense of taste
5. The olfactory system--sense of smell
6. The vestibular system--sense of balance
7. The proprioception system--sense of body position

Well, all senses are not equally developed (which is one of the issues in public schools--every child is assumed to have reached equal developmental capacities, when really they haven't, and expressing as much is treated as "misbehavior").
In paying more attention to my body, I have discovered that I have overdeveloped olfactory, auditory, and somatosensory systems and underdeveloped visual and proprioceptive systems. The other two I'm not sure about--they could be normal.  It explains all the accidents, my poor and underdeveloped sense of body position.  I am capable of tripping over thin air, probably because I'm constantly underestimating where my feet are.  The proprioceptive system is responsible for physical responses: initiation, construction, creating muscle "memory," controlling intensity, timing and sequencing, motor planing, etc.
Anton is often frustrated by how many things I've dropped, broken, and otherwise clumsily destroyed.  He won't let me take his computer anywhere (with good reason--I dropped mine a few days after getting it new). And he doesn't buy me drinks unless they have a lid that can screw on.

When it comes to eye-sight, mine is not the worst, but I often don't concentrate on what I see.

I'm easily agitated by unnecessarily repetitive and particularly loud noises.  When confronted with such, I tend to plug my ears, withdraw, or start rocking myself side to side or back and forth.

When I smell something unpleasant, or even something pleasant for long enough that it becomes unpleasant, I feel despondent and have difficulty concentrating on anything other than that smell.

I think I'm the most sensitive and empathetic person I know.  Easily provoked to tears, and constantly thinking about how other people feel, and when others are less considerate, it's somewhat frustrating.

This is just one way of getting to know myself, but it's had a significant impact.  Many of my behaviors and mannerisms circle back to how I respond to certain stimuli (obviously there's also an emotional component-- which is why I included one of mine--as well as many others, but this would be way too long if I included everything).

Getting to understand myself has been a long and arduous experience, and I'm sure I still have much to learn, but it's helped me control my actions and responses more appropriately (like trying to be less conspicuous about rocking back and forth in a class, since I sit in the front, usually).  It's also helped me understand others a little better.  I wish more people understood this, especially concerning children, because young kids don't always know what or why they are feeling or reacting certain ways.  As adults, we should, but we don't always take the time to figure it out.

Of course, I'm not saying that all "misbehavior" is linked to under or over-developed senses--it's just something to be aware of.  I have many of the same symptoms as a high-functioning person with autism... but I don't have autism.  In working at a habilitative center for children who have disabilities, I've seen children who legitimately have disabilities and benefit greatly from habilitative services... and I've seen children who could benefit even more greatly from parents who just get to know them better and stop trying to force them into conforming to specific personalities.

Family Update :-)

I just joined a book club!  It feels so housewife-esque. :-) Now I need to find really good books to read.  I've been reading children's books and young adult books, because of a couple literature classes I took--we discussed the impact reading has on children (really positive one, in case you're wondering, particularly when fathers read to their children) and my teacher advised us that we should read books our kids might read so that we can make recommendations for our kids and know what they're reading, what's good, what's not good, and all that jazz.

So, I'm looking for books.  To build up my library, too.  I'm pretty sure my book collection is the most cumbersome thing for us every time we move.  And I love it!

Christmas has been fun, and I am definitely looking forward to the new year.  We have lots of goals and plans for 2014!

We just got back from North Dakota.  I guess Minot turned out to be better than I expected-- I really like the mall there.  Other than the horribly despicable weather, it's not such a bad place.  When we heard the temperature was supposed to drop to -60, we fled the State like a baby rabbit from a hungry wolf.  It doesn't seem so cold in Rexburg anymore.

Got A's in all but one of my classes last time around.  That lifted my spirits.

I guess the most eventful thing in our lives right now is Anton preparing for court.  On our way home, we got pulled over by a cop... who called for another cop for backup.
We were headed west during a sunset, so the sun was directly in our eyes.  Anyway, no one noticed the change of speed from 70 to 55 (or the change of State from Montana to Wyoming).  Except a lady cop who was patrolling anything near Yellowstone.  Well, she was going the opposite direction as us, and then suddenly turned on her lights, and pulled over... stopped.  There were a lot of cars around and she wasn't behind Anton, so he didn't think anything of it.
11 miles later, another cop going the opposite direction flashes his lights (even though Anton was going the speed limit by that time because it went back up), but this one gets behind Anton, so he pulls over.
We sat there and waited, and waited, and waited, until the first cop finally came mosying up.
Apparently she had been chasing Anton... but no one saw or heard anything... the whole time.
She was extremely rude and very angry at having been "ignored."  She gave Anton a ticket with no written amount to pay (probably to be determined), but a mandatory court date.  She said he could explain to the judge "why it took 20 miles and two cops" for him to stop.  It was only 11 miles.  And it took that long because she's stupid and doesn't know how to signal someone to pull over.

I'm not really worried.  The whole thing was just a big misunderstanding... and an idiot lady cop.