Five Years and Counting

Blogging from my phone... takes a lot longer.  Dang.  I just sneezed and woke up my baby.  He thinks he's old enough to fight sleep, now.  But even when he does his sleepy whine, he's still cute!

I'm starting to regret the haircut...! *face-palm* I can't tell Anton because this is what he was afraid of, and he'll never let me try anything again.  It took LOTS of time and persuasion to get him to okay this one.
I was doing fine until I saw a wedding photo as my lock screen background, and noticed how long and pretty my hair looked in the picture.  Aaahhhh!
My kids will be in high school by the time I get it that long again!

*sigh.  My anniversarry is this weekend.  Five years!  Where has the time gone!
I made sure Anton had our anniversarry off.  Today, I casually mentioned that he had the weekend off and asked if he had any plans... "Yeah, I might go off-roading," he said.
I'm considering the position he's in.
I could either let him forget and hold it over him--use it as leverage or something-- or I could kindly remind him...  I haven't decided yet.

Oh, I've been singing to my baby!  Biggest smile I've seen from him yet!  He smiles a lot, actually.  In the afternoon when he wakes up, when Anton reads to him, when he gets a bath, when I sing to him... I think he might like it here.  Earth, not North Dakota.
It's such a strange place.  North Dakota, this time.  Tiny podunk towns generally have smaller crime rates... but since I've come here I've known people who've been stabbed in attempted robbery, assaulted, and held hostage at gunpoint.  I didn't actually know the girl who was held hostage, but that happened in the trailer court where I live.  I have never seen so many cops.  And they were all standing around, looking quite bored.  Maybe it wasn't that unusual of an occurance for them.

And that's my life lately.  Mostly, this little guys is my life--he gets what he wants cause he's so stinkin' cute.

All About Andrei... and me, too.

Well, I love my baby.  I love staying home and taking care of him, and I love seeing my husband be a daddy.  Just as I expected.  :-)

I think my focus has changed.  I spend less time thinking about how much I dislike living here, and more time doting on my baby.  I feel happier.  And more tired.  And hungrier-- I am amazed at how much I can eat now.  And kind of frustrated at how much I feel like I need to eat.  I really need to start cooking more.

My baby has started to have "things" he does.  One of his things--super cute-- is that when he's laying on my chest (which also happens to be his favorite way to sleep) so I can burp him, he finds footholds, and pushes his little legs, so his little butt sticks in the air.  And just stays like that for a while.  It makes me laugh.  But also sad that he's so strong.  He's not staying tiny like I want him to.

Another of his things... from about 6 p.m. to 1. a.m. he won't let me put him down. 6 p.m. is when his daddy leaves for work. He has to be held for a few hours after Anton leaves.  Makes dinner kind of difficult for me.  Last night my dinner was popcorn and carrots, because that was what I could do with one hand at the time.  Little bugger. I think he likes Anton more than me... he smiles more when Anton picks him up than he does when I pick him up, especially when Anton reads to him.  And when he fusses in his sleep, if I put him next to Anton, he sleeps better.

I'm okay with it, though.  Anton's eating it up.

Something I'm writing down for future reference for me... my baby makes noises when he's sleeping, especially if I move him, and he sounds exactly like a baby goat.  Exactly.  It's hilarious.  I'm so going to tell his girlfriends about that when he's older.  I'll have to make a recording.

Anyway, that's my baby in a nutshell.

Here he is, calming down after I put him next to daddy

Here he is in a cute outfit that Mom got for him

And here he is smiling because Anton is reading to him

Also, I just barely did this to my hair

I feel so crazy!  Biggest change of my life!  Other than getting married and having a baby, of course.

Anton was super nervous about me cutting my hair.  He was afraid I'd hate it and cry for weeks.  But he loves it!  I do, too.  Hard to get used to, though, after having such long hair for so long. :-)

I Have a Baby :-)

It's true.  I have my very own baby now.  Been waiting a while for this little guy.  And he's sure been worth the wait... and the pain, I suppose.  Getting him here hurt... and now feeding him hurts...  but he's too cute for me to hold it against him.

I went into labor on my Dad's birthday.  That whole day, I had been super sleepy and hung out on the couch mostly.  Taking naps.  Then my ride came to pick me up just before 11:00 that night, and we stopped at walmart to get groceries before going back to our trailer.

I started feeling very odd while I was walking around walmart and recognized it as contractions, which I began to time, and figured it was fake because sometimes it was 9 minutes apart, sometimes 2, and sometimes 5.  And the intensity of it was always different--sometimes it hurt, but mostly it was just uncomfortable and weird.

I mentioned it to the girl I was with, and she offered to take me back to my parents' house since we hadn't left town yet.

I said no, it seems fake, and anyway, Anton can take me back if it turns out to be real...

Well, I got home and tried to sleep, but I kept feeling the contractions, so I got in a hot bath, which didn't do much.  I kept getting in an out and trying to sleep, and hoping it would go away because it was really starting to hurt.

By around 5 in the morning, I called my midwife and told her that I had been timing it for over an hour and they were all under 6 minutes... but I still wasn't sure if it was real, and I didn't want to drag her out of bed if it wasn't.  She advised me to take a bath and call her in a couple hours if it didn't go away.
I don't know why I failed to mention that by that point, I had been experiencing labor pains for the past 6 hours, 4 of which I spent mostly in a hot bath already...

It's kinda funny-- the whole third trimester, I kept saying how ready I was for this baby to come out, and Anton and I were both feeling impatient about it... but then that night, I was praying that the pain would go away because I decided I wasn't ready anymore and I didn't want to have a baby yet.

I waited for Anton to get home from work, which he does around 7 a.m., and when I heard him on the porch, I called him and told him to put his boots back on and start the jeep, because our baby was coming, whether I was ready or not.

He was so excited!

So, I show up at Mom and Dad's, can't hadle the pain, get in the bath, my midwife comes, about an hour later, she checks me and I'm dilated to a 7.

A little while later (by this point I have no concept of time), my water brakes... and then the real pain hits.

Oh, man, I thought I couldn't handle it before, but after that, I really started to hate life, and decided that maybe I don't want kids anymore.
Then I found myself wrenching free of my midwife's and Anton's hands, crying, "I can't do it," which... kind of freaked Anton out because I was totally hysterical, but I'm pretty sure the midwife told me to get a hold of myself.

Then the baby really started to come out.  That part took forever (an hour and a half, my Mom said, but it felt more like 10 hours at the time), and then when I could feel his head actually coming out, I was slightly relieved.  Only slightly, though, because it still really hurt.  I was just relieved to see that I was actually making progress.
Once his head was all the way out, the rest of him follwed instantly.  There was a true double knot in his cord, which was also wrapped around his neck.  My midwife totally handled it, Anton cut the cord (which was impressively thick--even the midwife was surprised), and I held him... all slimey and everything.  It was gross, but I was already in a bathtub full of blood, so... whatever, I guess.

He was so perfect, I said to Anton, "Look what we made," and as he cuddled with our baby, a couple hours later, he said, "We need more of these!"  Of course, I felt like jello, so I said, "Ha!" as in, "yeah, right!" at the thought of doing that again.

But I'm already forgetting the pain.  I know it hurt... but it's getting harder to remember the actual pain.  Weird.

A couple weeks ago...

This is what I had written before I had a baby:

A ray of sunshine in this dark, cold place... when my husband shows up where I work, notices I'm wearing the earrings he bought for me in Hawaii, tells me I look pretty, and then gives me the fruit snacks he just bought at my till.  :-)

And when he comes to have a breakfast date with me.  Those are my favorite days.

Also he was being cute the other morning (I talk about him like he's my kid... although sometimes I do feel like more of a mother-figure than I'd like to be... hehe).  He asked me if it's not too early for me to make the baby come out, because he wants his baby already.
He read the Husband-Coached Childbirth and now considers himself to be in charge of telling me how to prepare for labor, and what to do when I'm in labor.
I think it's so sweet how concerned and sincere he is--he called me up in the middle of the night to tell me about all these exercises I should be doing, and wanted to make sure I know what they are and how to do them:

Husband: "...do some hip stretches... and stretch your pelvic bone..."
Me: "Uh-huh."
Husband: "Do you know what pelvis rocking is?"
Me: :-) "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "Okay,then do it before you go to bed.  And you need to learn how to relax all the way so that the baby can come out.  So, practice that, too."
Me: "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "And are you doing your Kegels?"
Me: "Yes, Dear."
Husband: "Okay, because that will make it easier for him to come out."

And he still calls the umbilical cord a USB cord sometimes.

I don't argue with him about any of it because I think it's just so sweet!

Anyway.  Life is pretty uncomfortable right now... Mostly because of the baby.  And freaking North Dakota's winter.  But on the bright side, this is the third time I've been right in the middle of some kind of flu outbreak since I got here, and not even been phased by it.  Pretty sure this baby is making me healthier.

And then I had a baby.  And he's cute.  I'll have pictures in another post, I think.

I Feel So Old Suddenly

Well, not much to report here.  Of course why would there be... we live in the middle of a field in freaking North Dakota.  Every time I say "North Dakota," I put "freaking" in front of it.  Makes me feel better.
I've gotten huge.  I get bigger every day.  I was okay with this whole thing until the baby got big... now I've changed my mind and I don't want to give birth anymore--or at least I don't want to be conscious for it.  He is going to tear me apart.
Also, I think men can get the nesting instinct, too.  Anton seems more worried than I am right now.  He's convinced that the baby will be born two weeks early (because he knows a few other guys who's wives had their babies two weeks early), and he was telling me about labor: "When you have a contraction that you can't breath through, that's when you need to go to the hospital... or, I mean, midwife..."
That was after he asked me if I've been feeling any labor pains.  I laughed so much that morning.  But he asks if I'm in labor like once a week.  That started way back in August.  And he's constantly reminding me to take my pills and to not squish the baby.  It's kind of adorable how serious and concerned he is about everything relating to the baby.  And how excited he is to have a son.  I think I picked a good one.  :-)

I'm thinking about dying my hair again... a dark color like maybe black or almost black.  But I'm afraid that I'll change my mind after I dye it because I won't want to keep dying it...
some of the longest, most difficult struggles I go through are about my hair.  I'm so fickle about it.  I almost got a super, super short haircut right after I came to freaking North Dakota (hehe).  But I was too scared.  Ugh, someone should just tell me what to do all the time.

A new adventure... that I hope will end soon.

I'm never going to decide to not eat sugar again.  I wasn't actually eating sugar until I decided not to.  Then, suddenly I suck at not eating sugar.  And this is the worst time to be pregnant.  I'm going to be surrounded by Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas deserts the entire rest of my pregnancy.  And for some odd reason, Anton says the word, "cake" all the time!  So, I dream about cake.

I even tried making some cupcakes because they sounded so incredibly delicious (they still do, actually).  I had to throw away the first batch of batter I made, because it ended up all over my floor (entirely my fault). The second try, I actually got to bake, but they ended up tasting really gross (not entirely my fault... I swear I followed the recipe). So, those got thrown away, too.

And then I stopped trying to cook stuff.

Something is either wrong with me, or all the recipes I find.  I look up a recipe that seems easy enough and sounds great.  Then I buy all the ingredients that I don't usually have, and make it.  And it ends up tasting not that great.  Anton has stopped asking me to make food for him to take to work.  In fact, every time I offer lately, he declines...

On the bright side... our kitten eats like a king.

In other news, we're going to North Dakota for 8 months.  Anton has to take a break from school and we decided to pay some bills while we wait for him to start back up again.  Plus, he's really tired of his current job and feels like it's holding him back from finishing his last semester.  Yeah, we're waiting 8 months for him to come back for his last semester.  Though he does have an internship afterward--but he can do that anywhere.
I was looking forward to having my baby here.  I like my doctor and the measly price I would pay for him to deliver my baby.  I'm also sad that I won't get to take the cool classes I signed up for (for free).  But I can deal, I guess.
There are a lot of things I could complain about because of leaving here for North Dakota (like going from paying $120/month for insurance to $400/month...) but I'm trying to look on the bright side--like that I have more family there, Anton is making one giant step closer to moving on from school, and the cold is good for my skin...
Plus, I'm already used to not seeing my husband all that often--I'm bringing my sewing machine and my princess coloring book to keep me company.

Pregnancy Humor: Speechless

Some funny things Anton has said relating to my pregnancy that have left me speechless:

Me: "Hey, my butt got bigger!  I wonder when that happened..."
Husband: (almost before I finish trailing off) "Last week."
Me: *sideways speechless glance.

*talking about the baby's current stage of development.
Me: "...yeah, he's pretty long and skinny... and see-through."
Husband: "Stop trash-talking my baby."
Me: *confused speechless half-smile.

*while getting dressed one morning.
Me: "Oh, my gosh, Honey, I don't think I can do these pants up anymore!"
Husband: (quick glance at my undone pants) "Just don't squish my baby."
Me: *incredulous speechless glare.

*waking up one morning and noticing me laying beside him with a sort of pot-belly.
Husband: "Whoa, that came out of nowhere."
Me: *I-don't-even-know-how-to-feel speechless stare.

And some things that just made me laugh:

*lunch at the deli--I'm slipping my chicken onto Anton's plate.
Husband: "You should eat more.  My baby likes chicken."
Me: "Haha!  Your baby likes watermelon!"

Husband: "If I go to bed right now, will you do me a back massage?"
Me: "Hey, which one of us is pregnant?  Shouldn't I be getting the massages?"
Husband: "You can't lay on your stomach, the baby doesn't like it, that's why it kicks you."
Me: "Nuh-uh!  I just feel it more that way!"
Husband: "You know it's true."
Me: "You're making crap up!"

And actually, every time I lay on my stomach (or it looks like I'm kind of laying on my stomach) he tells me not to squish the baby.  Like the baby can't handle being squished... otherwise the whole birthing process would be different.  But it's really me who gets squished when I lay on my stomach.

Anyway, my favorite thing about being pregnant is that (now that I'm showing) Anton is always asking me how I'm doing or if I'm okay.  Also, when I say I can't handle the smell of something, he takes me more seriously now.
Kinda reminds me of this gem of a music video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMU7UVFDqO0

Except I'm not quite that manipulative (on purpose).