Start with the basics... what am I eating?

So, a friend on facebook was saying how wonderful this movie, called, "Hungry for Change" is and that everyone needs to watch it because of how amazing it is.  She was very adamant.  So I watched it (it's on Netflix)... and she's absolutely right!  Seriously, changed my life.
I know Mom was right about everything, I'm just the kind of person who needs to know why.  I need to know why something is helpful or hurtful because then I know why I'm doing it or avoiding it.  I need to have a goal or bigger picture in my head that guides me toward all the littler, detailed pictures.  Well, I feel like I just get it now.  I'm totally more motivated than ever to be healthier!  And Anton's on board with me (mostly).  It's easier when the person who lives with me has the same goals... or at least close to the same goals... ; )

Same thing happened with water.  Everyone says, "drink water," "you need water," "water's good for you," but no one ever told me why water is good for me--how is water good for me?  Then I took a health class and we had a whole section on water.  Now I understand, and I drink more water (or at least make a conscious effort to do it) than I ever have before.  I love water!

My new goal is to save up for a juicer.  Before I get the piano, even.  A really nice juicer.  Also, Anton and I are going to have a bigger garden this coming spring (and plant earlier).  I want to bottle stuff, too, but I don't know how, and I'm pretty sure I don't have anything I need to do that... another thing to work on!

I've decided to stop hating food.  All this time I've just been hating food because even smelling it makes me feel gross.  But I've been focusing on the wrong things.  Food can be my friend as long I find the right kind.  Natural food, like what I grow in my garden.  I think I want to try to like fish... I know, gross.  But it has so many health benefits.  I've been taking a tiny bite of Anton's fish that he brings home and cooks every once in a while, but it always tastes like fish... : (  I think if I try cooking it differently, adding flavors to make it taste better I might be able to handle it.  Might. We'll see.
I know that the first step to making positive changes in my life is very basic--what I actually put into my body.  I don't want to be depressed all the time.  I want to find things I enjoy and keep on enjoying.
The sun came out today and it was nice!  The snow is MELTING!  Finally.  : )

Call me... Marvin

So the really bad headaches I've been getting... I think it's from lack of sleep.  I actually have no idea but the ONLY thing that will get rid of my headaches is sleep... what else could it be?  I mean, really, nothing else works.  I've tried water, tea, caffeine (just chocolate), and even resorted to pain killers when it got that bad.  Nothing even puts a dent in it.  Except sleep.  I like sleep, the downside is that I can't just go sleep every time I get a headache.  I have class, and homework and stuff.  So usually, Anton's the one who suffers most from my headaches because the first thing I sacrifice is cooking--that's just the thing at the bottom of my list.

Anyway.  My tablet is smashed because my book-bag broke while I was walking to class.  Sucks because we kind of spent money on it that we really could have used for other things... like food or bills.  It's just that Anton and I have tried sharing one computer and it really doesn't work--one of us just has to suffer... which ends up being that we both suffer.  Oh well.  The tablet still works, mostly.  The screen is all broken and cracked, though, so some things are pretty difficult.  And I get little shards of glass in my fingers every time I use it.

I registered for my classes, and four of the classes I need are all scheduled during the same time.  There's only one of each and nothing online.  So I picked the most important one and added a couple health/fitness classes to keep my status full-time.  The other three... well, I'll just have to stay here longer.

I am applying to manage a married housing complex owned by the school.  Getting that job would be a huge break for us.  There's just a pretty big reason they might not hire me... I'm still a full-time student.  If I got that job, I could go part-time and just stay here even longer, though.

I feel like all my posts are just depressing.  Like I'm turning into Marvin, the chronically depressed robot (a character from one of my favorite books, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy).  Maybe when the weather gets nice and sunny, I'll have better ones.  Must... have... sunshine... (gasping for last breath).  Yeah.

Win Some and Lose Some

I'm supposed to be writing a 3 page paper right now... which is why I'm not doing it.  I don't like to be told what to do.  Heh.  Okay, that's not the reason I'm not writing it--I just have a really hard time coming up with 3 pages worth of words (unless the second and third pages can basically restate whatever the first page has...).

Also, I'm pretty discouraged right now because I had a three page paper that I wrote for a different class (which took me a few days, and hours of hard work) that, right before I could put the finishing touches on it and submit it... it disappeared.  I left my tablet to do something else for a few minutes, during which time, Anton picked it up and played a couple games on it.  When I came back to it, my paper was completely blank.  I freaked out at Anton.  He swore he didn't even touch it, and I believe him--I mean, I believe that he had no intention of messing with my paper, but I know from experience that I can leave a document open on my tablet and it will stay open, unchanged, for days--or however long I leave it up, until I force it to close, or turn off the tablet, and in both of those scenarios, it saves itself as "Untitled."  So I still freaked out at him.  And then apologized.  And now I'm just really depressed because that was a huge assignment.  It is unbelievably horrifying how often this happens to me.

On top of that, I constantly feel like I'm about to throw up.  I haven't actually thrown up, but I have been getting acid reflux, which has never happened to me before.  I hate food even more than I used to.  Which may or may not be related to another issue with my body.  It hurts to empty my bladder, and it hurts to have sex.  It doesn't feel anything like when I had a urinary tract infection, the pain is deeper (deeper into my body, like slightly above and to the left--toward my belly button-- of the right side of my pelvic bone) and sharper, but I guess it could just be back with different symptoms...?  Whatever it is, it's lame.  Any knowledge on the subject would be appreciated, though.

There is one thing that has lifted my spirits, to take a break from all the depressing talk.  For the past several months I have been experiencing a dandruff problem.  No, that's not what lifts my spirits, just hang on.  Not too long ago, I read the instructions on my shampoo bottle just for kicks.  It said to rub gently, and not scratch with your nails, so I followed the instructions.
Well, last night after my shower, I looked in the mirror and was absolutely horrified by what I saw--the worst dandruff I have ever seen in my life!  I made Anton help me try and figure something out because it was so bad, I was going to stay hidden up inside for the rest of my life.  We decided to try scrubbing it out, so with a comb, and fingernails, I spent another hour in the shower (and it really hurt my head).  This time when I came out... my hair was completely free of dandruff.  My guess is, that this whole time (since I read those instructions) I had been gently rubbing instead of scrubbing and so the dead skin cells that needed to come off, stayed there.
The rest of my skin is very dry and itchy, BUT, I am SO relieved, I can't even describe how nice it feels.  So, please, feel free to ignore the instructions on your shampoo bottles.

The Mermaid Dream

C'mon, we'v all had it--that dream where you're a mermaid... or some type of sea creature...?

Well, my cousin, Justin, bought a $1,400 aquarium (this is the dream I had), and he decided he didn't want it anymore, so we were taking it to some water park-type place to get rid of it in an eco-friendly way. It was a water park, so naturally, I was hanging out in the water and then I made a wish to be a mermaid, jokingly, of course.
As I'm just swimming, swimming, playing in the water, I dive down to the bottom and stay there somehow... and then I take in a breath.  It was weird, I didn't understand how it happened, and it probably wouldn't happen again.  But then I was taking short, shallow breaths, under the water, and I could breathe.
I was sure it wouldn't last long (because it wasn't even supposed to be happening in the first place) and that I had better get back up to the surface where there is real air so I don't die.
But when I got up there, and tried to breathe the real air, I suddenly found that I couldn't breathe.  I didn't believe it, I was suffocating, no air coming in, and it was an awful, yucky feeling.  So, I went back under the water... where I could breathe... that was when I realized: I'm a mermaid.
Well, the next obvious step was that I, two of my cousins, Kaylynn and Jenica, as well as a sister, Jeri, were undercover as mermaids to spy on the mer-people and see what they were up to.  And just as I expected, they were having secret meetings.  In the chapel of the church in Kamiah (under water).  Unfortunately I never found out what the secret meetings were about because then it was 5:00 A.M and Anton came home from work.
Just had to share that.  Even though, we all have dreams and no one really cares what you dream about, Erica...  just thought if I write it down I could stop thinking about it (and wondering what those sneaky merpeople were planning).

If I Could Only Cook...

Ho hum.  Nothing much going on here... except Anton buying up all the guns and ammo he can find (even though we can't exactly afford that right now).    He's preparing for the zombie apocalypse-- which is code for the takeover by a certain, powerful entity (although, he really does believe in a zombie apocalypse).

Anyway, as soon as I can convince Anton to slow down... which may never actually happen... I've decided my next investment will be a keyboard.  Of course I prefer a real piano, but since those are more expensive and more difficult to fit in a small space, I will settle for a keyboard.  I had an epiphany.  I have noticed that the more I practice the piano, the better I get... but I hate having to go to school to practice.  Partly because it's freaking cold here, and partly because it's only available at certain times that are not so convenient for me.

I've really taken to the nicer chocolates--the ones I put in Anton's Christmas stocking because it's the only candy he'll eat.  I now get them for me, for when I have those cravings.  I'm pretty good about saving and eating eating them only when it's absolutely necessary... the problem is that Anton eats them all.  I think I'll have to start hiding them... and the problem with that is that when I hide something I usually forget about it.  Oh well.  Who needs chocolate anyway.

I've been trying to plan meals and prepare for them.  So I marinated some chicken in a marinade recipe I found online that's similar to what Mom does.  Unfortunately it didn't taste that great.  And I wasted like 7 pieces of good-quality chicken.  I have also managed to ruin an entire crock-pot full of roast, and veggies.
I'm getting kind of tired of cooking food that sucks.  I don't understand, I mean, I follow recipes and stuff... anyway, I bought this frozen thing of Marie Calendar's scalloped potatoes and tried a new way of cooking some chicken on my own--without a recipe since that hasn't been working for me.  I made a salad to go with it and gave it to Anton to take to work.  I asked him how it tasted when he came home--I make him be honest about my food, ever since I only found out he hated the way I was cooking something for him like two years after we'd been married.  So he told me the chicken was gross, but the potatoes were the best he'd ever had.  I was a little happy (because he thought I made the potatoes) and a little sad (because I actually didn't make the potatoes).  It's pretty sad when the best meals we have are the frozen ones I buy after running out of ideas.  :' (

The power went out...? CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD!

The other night, Anton came to bed around 4 A.M., all bummed because the power went out.  Of course I didn't even notice because I was... yes, sleeping.  He talked to me, jumped out of bed when he heard a noise because he thought someone sneaked into the house (like looters), came back, and talked to me some more.  Then he kept getting all these phone calls and texts from the school, telling people to come to campus if they needed shelter, and they kept changing things and then mass texting and calling everyone.  It was like a circus gone mad.  I got pretty frustrated.  Seriously, who is even awake at that hour to notice that the power is out?  No one--that is, until you wake us up and tell us.  Repeatedly.  Ugh.

Anyway, I've had a good start to the semester.  I'm getting better at doing my homework at a reasonable time--the problem with that is, Anton suffers because I cook less... less than I already cook, which is not much in the first place.  I did make dinner tonight, though.  Spent a lot of time and effort on this wonderful dinner... unfortunately it tasted gross and I couldn't even eat it.

BUT, I am enjoying my classes.  Music is easy because it's the very beginning class, but I'm sure it will get much more difficult.  Practical homemaking is fun.  I'm making a pillow right now.  It looks awesome.  My favorite class, though, is an extra one that I have to go to for my Special Education class. Every Monday I go to Institute for some special needs people.  They are the best.  And they like me, so... they're my only friends right now.  But it's great.  I have even been contemplating changing my major specifically to special education... but I don't think the school will let me since I'm supposed to graduate in a few months.  And I don't want to work in public schools anyway.

My neighbors are the most annoying people EVER.  They're the reason I'm still awake right now.  I can not wait until they leave in April.

Belugas are whales... poisonous, mean whales

I think some unseen force is out to get me.  I feel like the girl from Pure Luck... only I'm married to a European who doesn't have the same odd luck as me (which is a good thing.  I couldn't handle twice my luck).  From the very first day of the Fall semester, I get a headache at approximately 4:00 P.M. every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I also spill or break anything I carry--or anything I touch.  And right as finals week was starting... I was trying to plug my computer in so I could continue listening to some relaxing music, when I accidentally pushed it into some water.
So I had no computer for finals week, which was a NIGHTMARE.  I lost several assignments that I spent hours working on, printed off, and stuck in my notebook to take to class... only to find that they had mysteriously disappeared when I opened my notebook to turn them in.  Mysteriously disappeared.  I have a system--I'm very organized about where I put my homework.  So I had to take turns with Anton using his computer and ended up not getting everything done that I needed, and had my grades in two classes drop from an A to a B.
Also, I keep hitting Anton in the face.  Completely by accident.  But his poor face can't take much more, I think.
My child development classes have been helping me figure out my issues, though.  I learned that there are not five senses, there are seven.  In addition to the five we all know (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch), there are two other systems involving body position and movement (proprioceptive system) and gravity, head movement, and balance (vestibular system).  That lesson was on understanding children who have over-developed or underdeveloped senses.  I realized I have an underdeveloped vestibular system.
The name of the article we had to read for that is called, Making Sense of Sensory Systems, by Marie Hendrix, in case you want to read it and learn more.
More weirdness: I had a dream that I was being exiled to the moon (right after my dream about being kind of kidnapped and then running from the police with Kylynn).  I think the Lloyds turned me in.  So on the moon, some people and I escaped, we were fighting the people who were trying to exile-slash-kill us... there was something about someone with invisible legs and a narrow stairway on the rocket-ship... then those of us who escaped were floating in a slow-moving, small-ish river (on the moon, still).  And there were some Belugas up ahead, so I swam up to see them, got really close, and reached my hand out to a rock to anchor myself (under the water), when Luke Harper grabbed me just in time to nearly miss being bitten by the Belugas, which were poisonous fish.  Then I realized Belugas are whales... poisonous, mean whales (thoughts going through my head in my dream).
And then Anton's phone rang, and woke me up.  I feel like my life is mostly made up of weird dreams and accidents...